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Single Black Muslim on Surviving Marriage

Social Trending – Black, Muslim and not Married

The ugly stain of divorce in the Muslim Community is something that is normally kept on the low…swept under the rug. Even though the United States divorce rate has risen to 62%, somehow American Muslims feel that their marriages are exempt of the statistics. The concept of “airing dirty laundry” to the masses is a view that many adapt as Islam is constantly fighting how the public stigmatizes of various sorts. Fortunately and possibly unfortunately, with the popularity of social media, marriages and divorces are being shared in a public space, in real time.

Let’s take a minute to look at the facts. Marriage, in all of its essence and sacredness, is a publicly shared event with friends, family and Facebook statuses. In legal marriages, not spiritual unions before God, they are also shared with government agencies as many changes occur once all of the paperwork has been filed. Divorce, is the same as you go through a process and paperwork, but met with an aura of sympathy and empathy. Is it ok to share your highs, triumphs and glorious feelings of holy matrimony and not do the same for divorcement? Are you hoping that your wedding pics go viral but not the news of your indifference? As a matter of court record, marriages and divorces are a part of public information searches. Anyone that wants to know, can know.

So let’s look at it a different way. Who are the well-known couples that have strong, long-lasting marriages in the Black Muslim Community? Who has lasted at least 20 Years and Beyond? Do their marriages epitomize what a single Muslim or Muslimah is seeking? Do the singles pull wisdom from those marriages in order to place themselves on a path for marital success? How are those with successful marriages helping get the singles married? Check out our BLOG Series Muslim Power Couples

Ponderous questions indeed. Taking a good hard look at the singles in the Community and hearing numerous stories of marriage dissolution’s, one thing is clear, the finger cannot be pointed to just one side: male or female. Taking a good look at those that took the steps towards nikkah, these marriages made me realize that these singles did one thing…they got married. They made a conscious decision to seek a mate and get married. It may have been a fairytale journey with many obstacles in the beginning and it may not have worked out for them if they are currently divorced, but after all is said and done, they jumped the broom.

Black women, specifically Black Muslim women, are known for choice and flavor. Some women will drive all the way across town for hair services because a particular salon may be “the bomb” and that is what they prefer. That is a choice. Some women will not date men with children because of possible baby mama drama or not wanting to deal with someone else’s kids. That is a choice. Some women have a checklist for their ultimate mate (although they may never find someone that lives up to all the expectations) and just refuse to change, not lower, their standards. That is a choice. Some are not interested in polygamy or polygyny (whichever word you prefer) because of preference. That’s a whole different issue. But the consistency here…is choice.

Black men, specifically Black Muslim men, are in high demand and in low supply. The challenges run deep but the list of qualifications for a mate can be just as outrageous and unattainable. As the role of the maintainer and provider, before you even seek a wife you should be able to satisfy that capacity. In consideration of time, before even asking for a marriage profile and/or picture, make sure that your cash flow is for two or more, otherwise save yourself the embarrassment of a Facebook status update. Place yourself in the proper atmosphere to obtain what you are seeking. Everyone can’t marry Beyoncé and if you’re seeking a proper Muslimah, not sure why that would be the goal. Just because your representation in numbers puts you in a preferred position, your marriage goal should be for Jinnah and infinity.

Let’s sum things up. Getting married is a choice. In Islam and any of the three biggest religions, it is an obligation. Staying married is an even bigger choice. Divorce is an outlet and a road that is often chosen for those that do not want to work on the issues. Deciding what you want in life, whether it is to be with someone with a good retirement plan, or someone without a criminal record, or even someone who is an American citizen, and putting all of that on social media is a choice. Sometimes what you want is not what you need. The best thing for you could be right in front of your face, or on your Facebook timeline, but it may not be what you desire. Denying yourself the opportunity to be married is something of a phenomenon. Failing to seek the opportunity to be married is a conundrum. Seeking everything you need to know about being married through social media is an enigma. Either way, the choice is yours. And guess what…it’s trending …

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Rufus & Jenny Triplett
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