Marriage Survival Guide for Tough Times via Dr Phil
Before and ever since our appearance on Dr. Phil in 2008 we have had a level or respect for him. His advice is similar to ours. It holds a common theme…common sense. Alot of times the answers are not complicated. They are right there in front of you.
This is advice he gave some couples from one of his shows. If it applies to you, take what is good. Acknowledgment and the willingness to work things out are two of the biggest elements to survival. wishing you all the best.
1) Acknowledge and work the problem.
When the heat is on, don’t take your anger out on your spouse. “You get in trouble, you get pressure on you, and what you do is called reflexive biting. You start snapping at the person around you, and you begin to feel isolated and alone,” Dr. Phil says. “You’ve got to turn to your partner and say, ‘Look, we’re in a bad spot here, and we’re going to deal with this together.'”
2) Identify the stressors in your relationship.
As the nation experiences an economic downturn, remember the problem is not your partner, but high interest rates, accumulating debt and looming unemployment. “Aim your guns in the right place,” Dr. Phil advises. Once you have identified the issues, work together to find viable solutions.
3) Acknowledge fear.
Dr. Phil turns to a guest on the show, Karen. “It hurts you to think that he was hurting inside, but he is,” he says, referring to her husband, Walter. Her spouse admits that he feels like less of a man if he can’t provide for and protect his family. Dr. Phil urges him to vent his fears and be vulnerable with Karen.
4) Have emotional integrity.
Effective communication begins with honesty. “If you say you’re going to look for a job in earnest, then look for a job,” Dr. Phil stresses. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” Be open to receiving input from your partner even at the expense of your ego.
5) Be willing to ask for help.
“Think about yourself as being at the bottom of a steep hill, and you’re trying to pull a wagon up to the top of the hill. If you’re both pulling it up the hill, you’re going to get there. If one of you is pulling left and one of you is puling right, you’re expending a lot of energy, and the wagon’s not moving at all,” Dr. Phil tells both couples on this show. Don’t be afraid to admit that you can’t manage the household debt alone, or that you’re getting in over your head with credit cards.
6) List priorities, values and goals.
Dr. Phil turns to Brandon. “For you, it’s not all about money. That’s OK. Talk about that. List those things. Make a plan.” Find a way that the values of both partners can be honored.
7) Have an action plan.
Dreams can motivate you to strive for the stars, but sometimes, you have to get your head out of the clouds. “The difference between a dream and a plan is a timeline,” Dr. Phil says. “You’ve got to do checkups on yourself and see, ‘Am I moving forward?'” Devise a realistic schedule that you and your spouse can get excited about.